26/10/2017 4 Comments Friday I'm in love.....All my inspiration comes when I'm not near the laptop, I `have so much to write about but when I get the chance I can't seem to find the words. Everyday is a struggle. I don't take as many pictures as I used to too either. I hardly go out any more which doesn't help, I do insta stories from my bed usually whilst being climbed on by my kids. And thats ok, thats where I am. I have finished my EC chemo now which is crazy because it only seems like yesterday I was waiting for my chemo start date, all of sudden I'm 6 out of 8 down! 4 EC and 2 Taxol. I had my second Taxol yesterday and experienced an awful reaction. I had a strong and strange feeing in my lower chest which as soon as I told the nurse she hit the button and I had my first taste of emergency medicine. Within seconds I was surrounded by the most well oiled team. They knew exactly what to do and say and although I was crying my eyes with pure fear I knew I was in good hands. I couldn't breath I was on fire and my lower back felt like it was in a vice but normality was restored in 5 minutes. I had an oxygen mask on I was doing ok but I felt my arm was still burning I started to panic and kept repeating 'my arm is on fire, my arm is on fire' to realise it was resting on the heat pack used to keep your veins open! So from hysterically crying to hysterically laughing was the best medicine. I had to wait half hour then I saw a doctors who checked me over to see if I was ok to restart treatment. At this point i just wanted to go home and come back tomorrow. I had had 2 failed cannulas which always puts me on a downer, I'm not sure why. I had to submerge my arms in hot water in the hall way which reminded me of an old school punishment I just needed a dunce cap! Then the reaction, I just wanted to go home chill out and come back the next day. Unfortunately it doesn't quite work like that. They were to start me back on the same chemo I reacted too at a smaller and slower rate. My anxiety was through the roof, Kev had to leave work, I'm not usually a scaredy cat I prefer to deal with stuff on my own but I just wanted the security of my husband. The second bout of Taxol went fine, Ive been given medicine to take before my cycle to minimise the risk of it happening it again. I hope it doesn't this drug is doing amazing things for me and fucking up my cancer! I feel the difference myself, my tumour was 15cm by 10cm as well as the Inflammatory my boob was a right mess, it now looks normal again you can see where the Inflammatory starts and finishes too my nodes dont ache anymore and one has shrunk back to normal size too. As crappy as the chemo side effects are I thank my lucky stars everyday because for me its working. At this rate I will be cured cause Friday I'm in love x
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11/10/2017 4 Comments I will survive.....I am finally feeling like a fighter. I am finally feeling like I can do this. I will be a survivor. The more I learn about IBC the more scared I get. Knowledge is power, right? But when your knowledge is IBC statistics it does not feel like power. It feels like an out of body experience, like your watching someone else's life. BUT...it's working! The bastard chemo is only bloody working! I'm writing this post from my chemo chair, I'm hooked up to a machine which is slowly administering a drug call Taxol into my arm. The side effects aren't meant to be as bad as the EC chemo but we will see. I've never been to chemo on my own before I am so lucky to have amazing friends and family that offer their services but today I just fancied being on my own. It was really nice, well as nice as chemo can be. You meet other people who inspire you, you share tips and theories. You can moan and they just get it. I always thought it was going to be a sombre place where no one would interact, it's a very personal thing so I can totally understand that. I remember my first time in that hospital. I thought to myself "I do not want to feel comfortable here', I was still struggling with my illness. But now I walk around with a smile, I know my way around, I know my routine and where I am meant to be and when. I have a loyalty card for hot drinks, the fry up is decent. It's not quite home and I hope it never feels like that, but it's warm and familiar, like a good friends house (minus the unlimited Prosecco, dancing on the sofas and cheese boards) I am just as thankful to the The Royal Marsden and her staff as I am my incredible friends. We are in this together and although the anxiety and loneness is ever present they all make this more bearable. Last month was crazy, my last blog post opened a can of worms, but I am pleased that Mia is getting the support. The school did a fundraiser and we are all happy. That is all that matters right? Happiness and peace. After my good news of shrinkage I am feeling very thankful, I will go to sleep with a smile (could be the painkillers) Speaking to the women today I can't help but think we haven't got much of a voice. Awareness is so important, knowing the signs are a matter of life of death but I feel Elizabeth Hurley in all her beautiful botox glory going on Loose Women to talk about something she actually knows fuck all about doesn't actually help much. She had no facts or figures, they had had to talk to audience member to get the facts. Speaking to people who have cancer and going to luncheons doesn't qualify you in all things Breast Cancer. There are so many strong intelligent eloquent Women and Men out there that can in better detail teach you how to check yourself and what to look out for. They can also tell you about the aftermath. If you are lucky enough to live that is. Your mental health, the early menopause, arthritis, thats just some of the things you have to live with after the cancer. It doesn't stop with an all clear. Prevention will always be the most important thing, but I feel like I walked into this blind. It is only by finding the most amazing women on Instagram that I know what my future is looking like. I get my strength for their stories. With out sounding like a spoilt child, I think less time needs to be spent thanking celebs for uttering the word Cancer and get real people with cancer to front campaigns. Spoil Cancer patients and learn valuable advice and learn first hand what is it really like. I have been so lucky to have been invited to a Afternoon Tea on friday by the Beauty that is Emma Thatcher from A Style Album (link below), she hooked me up with Elemis who in turn sent me the most amazing Special Edition Breast Cancer Awareness cream. I instantly thought "YES! They get it' 'Em gets it' It could have been sent to a celeb with a massive following but they sent it to me, and I know I'm lucky not everyone gets what I have but I'm eternally grateful. It has ignited something in me, I have a conversation I need to start. So many people are doing incredible things at the moment for cancer awareness, but old Liz Hurley is still the face. I know she has help raised a lot of money over the years I am not knocking her at at, but back to loose women quickly, the panel seemed to have no idea 90% of women are being be cured! Yes CURED!! I didn't know I could be cured until I got cancer. Sadly a lot of people are past the curable stage which is why I feel that real people with real cancer who detected theirs early enough or even people who maybe ignored vital signs are the future of the Cancer Awareness Education Program!! Thanks to social media, we have our own voice now our own communities we are helping each other without celebrity. We are each others biggest fan. We are an incredible force of nature and together we can do something great. One women in particular is not only a total babe but an inspiration! She kicked the shit out of breast cancer, but her story doesn't end there. Lauren is sharing the aftermath with us. She is a game changer world leader! Her Insta name is girlstolelondon and she has started her tit-tee campaign (link below) I'm in a girl gang I have never met and I'm empowered. I am a fighter and I will survive. |
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