28/9/2017 56 Comments Pink Hair.....don't care?So life is pretty crappy, we all know this. Its why I'm writing this and why your reading it. In every aspect of my life people are going above and beyond to help me and my family. It is human nature. Imagine my horror when I found out my eldest was being put on break and lunch time detentions! Has she been caught smoking? caught bunking? being violent? rude? not doing her work? No. Mia was being punished because her hair is pink. Even tho when she started back at the beginning of September it was discussed and after she explained why she had pink hair it didn't seem to be a problem. Her pink hair was for me. I didn't want her shaving her head so we compromised on pink hair. It made her very happy. Its not bright or in your face its a very pale almost blonde pink. 3 weeks later 2 male teachers have decided Mia has to dye her hair a natural colour. Her hair is naturally very blonde. Am I right in thinking to satisfy a Wizard of Oz style headmaster who is far too important to communicate directly with parents, I'm to dye my daughters hair jet black? bright orange? or do I allow him to pick what natural colour she should go? I had to email him via an assistant to explain why her hair was pink and that she must not be punished instead he should use this as an opportunity to praise my daughter for her courageous attitude and also use this to reach out to other student who maybe suffering. There has to be other pupils who have gone through or are going through this. There are 1,000000 Mums in this country fighting cancer so imagine how many children are being affected. Surely this is the bigger picture? Surely the fact my daughter expressing herself and being vocal about whats going on is the most important thing. How many children are suffering in silence? Not wanting to burden their parents with their fears?? How could a grown arse man entrusted with our children not see the bigger picture? How could he not jump on this and make sure the right help and support was being giving to his students? As long as Ofsted give them a good write up who cares what that children feel. I did get a reply from Mr Hume via his assistant. He said he was sorry I had cancer but I should have given the school prior notice and they would have included it in their fundraising event. He apologised for any further distressed caused. I didn't reply to that email. It was cold and condescending, I'm suffering terribly from chemo brain at the moment too so I wanted to wait untill I was feeling better. The next day Mia was approached by her head of year who took her to Mr Hume and another male teacher. She was told that she was to be placed on breaks and lunches and that the ball was left in her Mums court. Which upset her because she knew how much I had been suffering with the chemotherapy sickness. A simple thing like sending an email is so hard for me at the moment. They didn't ask her how she was feeling. They didn't ask if there was anything she needed. How her lessons were going? Not even, 'if it gets too much my door is always open'. No, all they could say to 14 year girl crying her eyes out was 'I just don't see why you cant dye it' I'm sure they are very sorry I have cancer not as sorry as I am I entrusted my daughter into their care.
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22/9/2017 13 Comments I got married....We have been engaged for a good few years now so marriage was on the cards. But the Big C gave me the kick up the arse to get it done. It wasn't what I envisioned but it turned out to be as close to perfect as it could be. It was planned in 4 weeks so it had to be small and as inexpensive as possible so we booked our local Registry Office and talked our favourite Italian restaurant to open just for us! I didn't plan an evening I wanted to do that at a later date and invite all the people we love but couldn't fit at the wedding. I brought my dress online in the ASOS sale I got bridesmaids dresses from Matalan and borrowed Mias from my friend. Kevs suit was a Topman number that matched my Monsoon shoes. I think the less time you have to plan the easier it is, less time to obsess over the small stuff. My beautiful bouquet was a gift from Hayley and Carl our witness'. It was made by the amazing Claire at Redlipstick Flowers. We borrowed bird cages from Odette for the restaurant and decorated it with trinkets from Lolsys house. It was very much all hands on deck. The only brief I gave was think Kwiksave its a NO FRILLS wedding but with Danielle sorting the flowers, it was anything but NO FRILLS. It was stunning and everything I never knew I wanted. The only downside was I could only have 40 guests so I didn't speak about the wedding and I found myself avoiding people for the guilt. But all I have had is love from everyone. They all love me enough to understand why I needed this shotgun wedding. Not that we like speaking about it, but the truth is I wanted...needed to get married asap incase I don't get the chance to be his wife. In an ideal world I would have had more guests a different venue a different dress even. But this is my world and it was perfect. Having Cancer is teaching me what is important and not to sweat the small stuff. You just have to take the bull by the horns and not wait for a future that isn't promised. Today is what matters.
I chose not to wear a wig on the big day, which is a very personal thing. Looking at the pictures 100% hair would have looked better but my hair. God I loved my hair and I've learned to love my bald too so I just dressed it up in a beautiful flower crown. I love flowers. I always knew I needed my sister with me on my wedding day thankfully the white rose is her birth flower so with some Gypsophila which is nick named babies breath to represent my niece Grace buttonholes were made. My Mum, Dad and brothers all wore them and Kevs Mum Grandad and his Grooms party wore a rose called Marie which was his Nans name. His little sisters were Bridesmaid. Everything was personal. I'm a very thoughtful person little things mean the most to me. I would like to thank Katie Davies of Gingernut with a camera for your time and the most amazing gift I've ever been given. My wedding photos. These are only a sneak peak so I know you have gone above and beyond. Olivia Cayley for gifting us our makeup! You made my me and my daughter look and feel amazing! Hannah Shapley for gifting my Mums make up! She looked beautiful. Mel the owner of Billinis on Worcester Park High Street, thank you for letting us take over you restaurant and for producing the most amazing food. Hayley Baker thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done since this bastard cancer has arrived. I honestly don't know what we would do with out your OCD organising skills. Basically thank you to everyone that loves us for all the big things you do and also thank you to everyone of you that sends a message or likes a picture. It warms my heart to be thought of. To feel lucky when you have what I have is a gift. 13/9/2017 13 Comments Love me now......Cycle 3 is done and dusted. My lord it was awful, I was popping anti sickness tablets like smarties! Feeling sick and never being sick is torturous. My veins hurt, my head hurts and I'm exhausted. On the plus side my tumour and some lymphs have shrunk so this bastard chemo is working. This bastard chemo is keeping me on my path of a cancer free future. In the scheme of things it's a small price to pay for a life, that's what I tell myself over and over as to not fall into the pit of self pity and despair. Thanks to the wonder of social media I have at my fingertips access to a whole host of women, fighting or fought and won against cancer. I am not alone. With all the love and support in the world it's shocking at just how alone you feel. When your awake at 3am with a racing mind and the weight of the world on your shoulders trying so hard to sleep because you really want to be able to look semi ok for your kids in the morning, you just feel alone. This made me think I wonder if he feels alone? He leaves every morning for work, all the while he is there he's worrying about me because he sees how I feel. He comes home and he has to pick up the slack, I feel like a lazy Princess propped up in bed watching Netflix surrounded by utter devastation and he doesn't moan he kisses me and disappears into the kitchen to sort dinner and the kids. To look at me I look quite well, I 100% look well enough to do that washing up and sort the over spilling laundry basket out. But I'm not. Standing up makes me feel like I've just got off a waltzer. I have no strength I keep losing my breath. Doing absolutely nothing is the only way I can feel normal. He gets that. He is happy when I'm feeling normal. Even if that means living in a shit tip. I'm very fortunate my best friend owns a cleaning company. I would recommend if you know someone with cancer get them a voucher from a good local cleaning company, so when they are in the chemo haze of hell on earth they can get a good spring clean! It takes the pressure off and that is the best thing you can do for someone battling to live. My cousin gifted us John Legend tickets, a very rare date night! We were very excited, the week before I ended up in a&e and they admitted me for fear of an infection. I had never felt so ill in my life. Lying in that hospital bed I thought how on Earth am I going to get to the o2? Walking to the toilet was hard enough. But because I am lucky enough to be able to do nothing I recovered. Last night we drove to the o2, I pre-booked a parking space (best £22 I've ever spent) I love driving with Kev, we love old buildings and houses, driving through new areas trying to work out the years things were built. Its rare not have the children in the back demanding anything and everything. We got to sing John Legend and add 100 more places to the 'Restaurants we'd like to eat at' list. We parked right next to o2, popped into all bar 1 cued in the wrong cue walked 15 minutes to the right cue and finally got to our seats hugged my little cousin who had also cued in the wrong cue.....says a lot about us doesn't it! On came Mr Legend in all his piano playing glory! Kev had never been there before so he was soaking it all in. We had amazing seats, which as fate would have it was right above the box we had for the Spice Girls many years ago, the night I met a girl who became my life long friend. It felt like a big warm hug. Do you ever have a moment when you listen to a song and it really gets to you? The lyric could have been written for you? We both had a moment when Love me now came on 'Who's gonna kiss you when I'm gone?' I looked at the love of my life and he is fighting back the tears. No matter how hard you try you cannot escape reality, it always finds you. So Kev I'm gonna love you now, like its a all I have x |
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