28/7/2017 5 Comments Mama's GirlChemo ruined me for 10 days!! It managed to find a different way everyday to fuck me! On Tuesday I had my eyebrow appointment with my wonderful friend Cher, I've got tattoos I'm not really a pain pussy so I didn't give much thought about the pain. BIG MISTAKE! Cher used the microblading technique which gives a natural looking brow, that was important to me as I don't draw my eyebrows on I have them waxed and tinted. Its very important to me that throughout this process I recognise myself. This cancer is taking so much of me I am clinging on to myself as much as I can. The chemo sadly had made my skin so sensitive it made the procedure nearly unbearable, even with numbing cream. Completely out of character I just broke down, full blown belly sobs. I was so angry and upset. All I wanted was to feel good about myself and that was made nearly impossible!! I never cry like that in front of people, poor Cher got it full force! I didn't realise until after how much I needed to have that moment and I'll probably have more of them! At least now I won't be scared to let it out!! With my new sexy as fuck eyebrows I packed up the kids and Dad dropped us down the van with my Mum. I can't remember the last time it was just me and Mum! I've never been one to sit there and be looked after, ironically I've never been a sicky person, even my births were good and I didn't need help recovering I just get on with things but I can't do that anymore. I'm basically a child again relying heavily on my Mum. During one of our many heart to hearts she had said how useless she felt and it broke my heart for her. I am the fierce Mama I am because of her, I am everything I am because of her! And for us to feel helpless is quite possibly THE worst we can feel! The realisation there is nothing you can do to fix your child must be the hardest thing to accept. My Mum is a powerhouse of strength but I know she would rather not be, I finally understand how it feels to be told 'You are so strong' and not feel empowered by it. You see, when its not your choice its hard to except the compliment in which it is intended. My Mum understands that so it easy just to order a curry and talk it out! The curry must have been magical because I slept well that night and woke up feeling almost normal! Could it be? A good day?????? YES!!!! So whats the first thing you do when your feeling ok?? Lidl and Home bargain obviously! Our darling friend Kerry came and picked us up! I was so excited to be out!! The day just got better and better, we took the kids up the club for the Wrestling and then.....got on the cocktails! I feel like anytime I have a good day and our Bev is around the cocktails will be got! I had the perfect day with people who love me. This is the most vulnerable time in my life, I have nothing to give anyone. I am my only priority and the people who love me most are the ones making me see that.
5 Comments
Gem
29/7/2017 07:46:09 pm
I remember the mix tape... huuuuuummmm
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Mama
29/7/2017 09:17:56 pm
You make me proud Bunt xx
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Sally Rudgley
30/7/2017 07:17:12 am
Family, Love and Mum, They are all you need to gt you through. Keep going Laura they will catch you if you fall. xx
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Karen
30/7/2017 08:20:31 pm
You are in the best hands of a truly wonderful person/mother so glad your having a nice time at the van continue to write these blogs they keep me from feeling sorry for myself you are a glass half full of chateauneuf du paper of course ❤️❤️
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Debbie Martin
6/8/2017 07:34:01 pm
Oh Laura, I feel devastated for you having to go through this terrible illness. Mum and I think of you everyday. As you know Mum went through this in 1999, the year after we lost Peter John and she was stage 4. She came through though and you will do the same, we have strong genes in this family! Plus you need to continue with your new career in writing! I've been laughing and crying at the same reading your blog, it's absolutely amazing and worthy of publication! I don't really comment on Facebook or anywhere else for that matter (unless I'm complaining!) but I felt the need to let you know that you are in our thoughts and prayers everyday. Stay strong, love you lots and lots, auntie Marg and me xxxxxxxx
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