13/9/2017 13 Comments Love me now......Cycle 3 is done and dusted. My lord it was awful, I was popping anti sickness tablets like smarties! Feeling sick and never being sick is torturous. My veins hurt, my head hurts and I'm exhausted. On the plus side my tumour and some lymphs have shrunk so this bastard chemo is working. This bastard chemo is keeping me on my path of a cancer free future. In the scheme of things it's a small price to pay for a life, that's what I tell myself over and over as to not fall into the pit of self pity and despair. Thanks to the wonder of social media I have at my fingertips access to a whole host of women, fighting or fought and won against cancer. I am not alone. With all the love and support in the world it's shocking at just how alone you feel. When your awake at 3am with a racing mind and the weight of the world on your shoulders trying so hard to sleep because you really want to be able to look semi ok for your kids in the morning, you just feel alone. This made me think I wonder if he feels alone? He leaves every morning for work, all the while he is there he's worrying about me because he sees how I feel. He comes home and he has to pick up the slack, I feel like a lazy Princess propped up in bed watching Netflix surrounded by utter devastation and he doesn't moan he kisses me and disappears into the kitchen to sort dinner and the kids. To look at me I look quite well, I 100% look well enough to do that washing up and sort the over spilling laundry basket out. But I'm not. Standing up makes me feel like I've just got off a waltzer. I have no strength I keep losing my breath. Doing absolutely nothing is the only way I can feel normal. He gets that. He is happy when I'm feeling normal. Even if that means living in a shit tip. I'm very fortunate my best friend owns a cleaning company. I would recommend if you know someone with cancer get them a voucher from a good local cleaning company, so when they are in the chemo haze of hell on earth they can get a good spring clean! It takes the pressure off and that is the best thing you can do for someone battling to live. My cousin gifted us John Legend tickets, a very rare date night! We were very excited, the week before I ended up in a&e and they admitted me for fear of an infection. I had never felt so ill in my life. Lying in that hospital bed I thought how on Earth am I going to get to the o2? Walking to the toilet was hard enough. But because I am lucky enough to be able to do nothing I recovered. Last night we drove to the o2, I pre-booked a parking space (best £22 I've ever spent) I love driving with Kev, we love old buildings and houses, driving through new areas trying to work out the years things were built. Its rare not have the children in the back demanding anything and everything. We got to sing John Legend and add 100 more places to the 'Restaurants we'd like to eat at' list. We parked right next to o2, popped into all bar 1 cued in the wrong cue walked 15 minutes to the right cue and finally got to our seats hugged my little cousin who had also cued in the wrong cue.....says a lot about us doesn't it! On came Mr Legend in all his piano playing glory! Kev had never been there before so he was soaking it all in. We had amazing seats, which as fate would have it was right above the box we had for the Spice Girls many years ago, the night I met a girl who became my life long friend. It felt like a big warm hug. Do you ever have a moment when you listen to a song and it really gets to you? The lyric could have been written for you? We both had a moment when Love me now came on 'Who's gonna kiss you when I'm gone?' I looked at the love of my life and he is fighting back the tears. No matter how hard you try you cannot escape reality, it always finds you. So Kev I'm gonna love you now, like its a all I have x
13 Comments
Susan Whitfield
13/9/2017 10:43:33 am
Oh Laura you made me cry....not for the first time. Xxxxx
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Lucy Bushby
13/9/2017 12:28:39 pm
You truly are an amazing person. Thinking of you all the time. 😍😍😍 you can beat this. 💕
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Sally Rudgley
13/9/2017 01:12:35 pm
Well Laura, We are all gonna love you now and always. Bless you and Kevin and all the beautiful people in your life.
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Lisa Edgington
13/9/2017 01:32:55 pm
Keep fighting sweetheart. Love to all of you xxxx
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Hannah Ferguson
13/9/2017 01:36:56 pm
Laura , you dont know me or I you, but have lots of mutal friends... I read your blog & have tears in my eyes. .. no words will ever help but god reading your blog you sound amazing & so inspiring. I know I couldn't be as strong .. I am sending lots of love & praying for your health. Hannah x
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Louise davey
13/9/2017 01:44:34 pm
When I saw you at the hospital you looked as beautiful as ever no matter how shit you felt!! This blog made me cry but as you know I'm an emotional wreck anyway!!! 😂You keep fighting because you will that bastard thing!!! Thank you for sharing! 😘Xxxx
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Brenda Thompson Dell
13/9/2017 01:50:06 pm
You dear dear brave girl You take my breath away with your amazing word's x
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Mary
13/9/2017 04:34:28 pm
Hi Laura
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Sandra
13/9/2017 05:12:48 pm
💙
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Christine cavanagh
14/9/2017 07:12:20 am
Touching words Laura I think everybody reading this feels your pain ,I'm a friend of mums so know what a strong family you come from ,keep strong big hugs all round Chris xxxxxx
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Kelly Lovell-Lawson
14/9/2017 03:56:29 pm
Laura, we have mutual friends and I dont know you personally but I read your blog and follow you on insta. You are an inspiration! Your truly are an amazing person x
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Karen aka hen
17/9/2017 11:33:03 am
This one has made me cry buckets so raw and now he's your hubby love you ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Julie
17/9/2017 08:08:45 pm
You can you will ❤️
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